I have recently had a crash course in doing hard things, and as I reflect on it I keep being reminded of Philippians 4:13 which reads "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." I want to tell you about what's been going on and how true I know that scripture is.
My mom has always had a hard time processing emotions, and an even harder time accepting change. This has led to a lot of drama whenever one of my siblings is seriously dating someone or engaged. I am no exception to that, in fact I am probably the opposite of the exception because I am the last one in my family to get married. Like was expected, my mom has really struggled accepting the boy that I am seriously dating right now. Because of her dislike for change, she has found various rash and illogical reasons for disliking or distrusting my boyfriend. I have been trying very hard to create opportunities for us to spend time at my parents' house so that they can have positive interactions. These efforts, however, have not yielded the results I desired. Instead they usually result in my mom acting irritated, cold, or even outright rude. I know that my mom doesn't mean for her actions to come across that way, but I can only tell myself that so many times and still believe it. All along my boyfriend has encouraged me to discuss the problem with my mom, but I never had the courage to do it. I knew my mom's emotional state well enough to know that a confrontation would devastate her, and I didn't want to do that. So instead I just tolerated it.
Last week my mom and I had an incident that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I lost it. I felt angry, hurt, sad, and defeated. I didn't know what to do. My boyfriend kept telling me to talk to her, but I didn't want to. I said that I would rather just cut ties with her until she was ready to treat me better. But this time my boyfriend said something that changed my mind. He said "If you can't talk to your mom about this problem, then how do you expect to be able to talk to your kids about problems in the future?" That hit a chord with me. I had a light bulb moment and realized that if I didn't deal with this head on, it would continue wrecking emotional havoc in me, until I became like my mom, incapable of processing emotions. So I timidly agreed to talk to my mom. Shortly after that, my dad called and apologized for my behavior and suggested that I come over on the weekend to talk with my mom. That phone call was much needed and left me sobbing uncontrollably into my boyfriend's chest for about 30 minutes (which has probably happened less than 10 times my entire life).
Between that phone call and the family meeting, I prepared myself, emotionally, and psychologically. I knew that I had to be direct to get my point across, but I also needed to be delicate so that I didn't destroy my mom. Before the visit, I prayed that God would guide my words and help me stay in control of the conversation. When it was over with, I felt like it had gone as well as could have been expected. I remained calm and collected all through the conversation. My mom did feel extremely hurt, but no more than I expected. I felt like her, my dad, and I had come to a consensus on what we needed to do in the future to avoid this type of conflict again.
Coming back to being able to do all things through Christ; I know that I couldn't have made it through this experience without Christ. Standing up to my mother is one of the hardest things I've ever done. If you think it's hard standing up to a bully at school, or a friend that is mistreating you, you should try standing up to the person that gave you life. But I know that it was necessary to do, and I know that Christ was there helping me to remain calm and in control. I know that because of the faith I acted upon, things will get better in the future. I know that through Christ I really can do all things which strengtheneth me.
