I Can Do All Things Through Christ

I have recently had a crash course in doing hard things, and as I reflect on it I keep being reminded of Philippians 4:13 which reads "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." I want to tell you about what's been going on and how true I know that scripture is.

My mom has always had a hard time processing emotions, and an even harder time accepting change. This has led to a lot of drama whenever one of my siblings is seriously dating someone or engaged. I am no exception to that, in fact I am probably the opposite of the exception because I am the last one in my family to get married. Like was expected, my mom has really struggled accepting the boy that I am seriously dating right now. Because of her dislike for change, she has found various rash and illogical reasons for disliking or distrusting my boyfriend. I have been trying very hard to create opportunities for us to spend time at my parents' house so that they can have positive interactions.  These efforts, however, have not yielded the results I desired. Instead they usually result in my mom acting irritated, cold, or even outright rude. I know that my mom doesn't mean for her actions to come across that way, but I can only tell myself that so many times and still believe it. All along my boyfriend has encouraged me to discuss the problem with my mom, but I never had the courage to do it. I knew my mom's emotional state well enough to know that a confrontation would devastate her, and I didn't want to do that. So instead I just tolerated it.

Last week my mom and I had an incident that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I lost it. I felt angry, hurt, sad, and defeated. I didn't know what to do. My boyfriend kept telling me to talk to her, but I didn't want to. I said that I would rather just cut ties with her until she was ready to treat me better. But this time my boyfriend said something that changed my mind. He said "If you can't talk to your mom about this problem, then how do you expect to be able to talk to your kids about problems in the future?" That hit a chord with me. I had a light bulb moment and realized that if I didn't deal with this head on, it would continue wrecking emotional havoc in me, until I became like my mom, incapable of processing emotions. So I timidly agreed to talk to my mom. Shortly after that, my dad called and apologized for my behavior and suggested that I come over on the weekend to talk with my mom. That phone call was much needed and left me sobbing uncontrollably into my boyfriend's chest for about 30 minutes (which has probably happened less than 10 times my entire life).

Between that phone call and the family meeting, I prepared myself, emotionally, and psychologically. I knew that I had to be direct to get my point across, but I also needed to be delicate so that I didn't destroy my mom. Before the visit, I prayed that God would guide my words and help me stay in control of the conversation. When it was over with, I felt like it had gone as well as could have been expected. I remained calm and collected all through the conversation. My mom did feel extremely hurt, but no more than I expected. I felt like her, my dad, and I had come to a consensus on what we needed to do in the future to avoid this type of conflict again.

Coming back to being able to do all things through Christ; I know that I couldn't have made it through this experience without Christ. Standing up to my mother is one of the hardest things I've ever done. If you think it's hard standing up to a bully at school, or a friend that is mistreating you, you should try standing up to the person that gave you life. But I know that it was necessary to do, and I know that Christ was there helping me to remain calm and in control. I know that because of the faith I acted upon, things will get better in the future. I know that through Christ I really can do all things which strengtheneth me.

Heaven's Got a Plan For You

It has come to my attention lately how sneakily God has been influencing the seemingly insignificant details of my life in the last year. Almost one year ago, my life changed suddenly and dramatically and I was completely derailed from the path that I was on. At the time it was devastating. I asked my good friend, D for a priesthood blessing. I distinctly remember this blessing, because he said two things that I will never forget. 1) That Heavenly Father wanted me to pray more, and 2) that although it didn't seem like it, I was on the right path, I wasn't as lost as I thought I was, and God had a plan for me. I spent the next nine months wondering what that meant, because I didn't feel like my life was on any path at all, nonetheless the right one. But now, 11 months after that blessing, I know that I am where God wanted me to end up, and I can see the little things that led to me getting here. I want to walk through some of those things with you. I will bold the parts that I feel involved the most divine intervention.

Shortly after that first life changing event happened, I changed all of my plans and knew that when school ended in 3-4 weeks I would be homeless, jobless, and friendless. I cannot tell you how discouraging this was. At that point, an old acquaintance, T invited me to go for a motorcycle ride. He had no idea how badly I needed companionship right then, but he was able to provide it and we had a nice time. Shortly after that, things fell into place, and due to some revelation by my mom, I got an internship in Salt Lake City. While there, I planned to take a road trip to my mission with some of my mission friends. But about three weeks before that happened, the transmission went out on my car, canceling the trip. I decided not to let that bring me down, and instead planned a week-long vacation in SLC. I sent a message out on facebook inviting anyone who wanted, to join me in this adventure. The same guy that had taken me for a motorcycle ride earlier, T, came down and spent a day with me at Thanksgiving Point. Throughout that day, we got to be good friends which led to us spending the Fourth of July together as well. At the time I didn’t think anything of it because I was a lost little puppy who was dating lots of different guys just for the sake of company.

When I moved back to Logan, T. invited me to his house for his going away party because he had graduated and was moving home until he found a job. He was too busy to talk to me at the party, but he called me afterword to apologize and ask if he could take me on a date the next time he came to town. I agreed and a few weeks later we went on a date and had a nice time together. Again I didn’t think too much of it, but because I was starting to enjoy his company I called him up when I went his way for a mission reunion. Although my intentions at that point were to just spend a couple of hours together in the morning, we ended up spending about 13 hours together and had a great time doing it.

After that, we started seeing each other on a regular basis even though we were living a good two hours away from each other. After a couple months of dating I invited him to come home with me for my sister’s wedding reception. He came and had a great time with my family. While there, my dad told him about an open position in the valley in T’s area of expertise and encouraged him to apply. My sisters and I joked about me having to break up with my boyfriend because he got a job in my home town, which I had vowed to never live in again. Time went on and the interview in my hometown kept getting pushed back. Meanwhile I was becoming increasingly more adamant about moving to Arizona. After selling my college apartment contract to move home while I applied to jobs in Phoenix, I decided to break up with T. I was super convinced that I was going to move to Arizona. He really wanted to stay in the Rocky Mountains, but was starting to get desperate for a job anywhere. I just didn’t see any plausible way for us to have a future together. And honestly, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted a future together. It was a hard decision to make, but I felt like it was the right thing to do.

2-3 weeks after I broke up with T. a job in my hometown fell into my lap. The first counselor in the YSA bishopric is the COO of a major employer in town. He called me to see if I would speak in church the next week. I agreed and then he started making small talk, inquiring about what I was doing back in town. When I told him what I was doing and that I was looking for jobs in HR, he got so excited and told me that his company had an opening for recruiter, and that if I would send him my resume in the morning, he’d send it to the HR Director. It all happened so fast that I didn’t know how to say no to it. The next morning I got a call from the HR Director saying that he’d received my resume and although it was short notice, would I be willing to come in for an interview the following day? So I went in for an interview and they said that they’d get back to me in a couple of days. A couple of days later, they called and asked for my references and invited me back for a second interview. The day after my second interview, I received a job offer that was far beyond my wildest dreams. Although I had vowed (many times) that I would never move back to my hometown, I knew that I was supposed to take the job. There were too many fine coincidences for it to have been by chance. It all happened so fast that I didn’t have time to doubt, which I think God knew I would do if given the chance. About the time that I received the job offer, I was starting to notice how much I was missing T, but knew nothing had changed and didn’t think anything would change.

Meanwhile down in Utah, T had accepted a job offer that way far below what he was qualified for. On the day that he was supposed to do the pre-employment drug test and paperwork, (approx. 2 weeks after my job offer) he woke up feeling really uneasy about it. Later that day, he got a call from my new employer inviting him for an interview several weeks earlier than they’d planned. So he came up for the interview on a Thursday not expecting anything to come from it. He told them in the interview that he was set to start a new job on Monday and that he wouldn’t start and then quit, so they told him that they’d let him know by Friday afternoon. That night I woke up in the middle of the night bawling and praying out loud for Heavenly Father to let him get a job here. And to be honest, I was surprised that I felt that strongly about it. Sure enough, God answered my prayers and Friday afternoon he got a phone call and an offer that was far better than any offer that he would’ve gotten anywhere else. He accepted it and moved to my hometown a few weeks later.

Now we are both working for the same company in a town that I never planned to live in and he had no other ties to. We have been seeing a lot of each other and both feel very strongly that this is where we need to be. For the first time in a very long time, I don’t feel lost. I don’t feel like I am wandering down a path that I can’t see. Now I can see that when D blessed me to know that I was on the right path, he was correct. When I felt like I was wandering through a field rather than walking down the paved road of life, God was strategically placing rocks for me to stumble over. I needed to feel lost and encounter lots of obstacles so the right people would catch me and join me in my journey. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that they aren’t temporary companions. We are meant to make our journey together.

Through all of this, I’ve learned to keep on keeping on. When I get discouraged I just need to remind myself of the song that says “Don’t you worry, child. See heaven’s got a plan for you.” God has a plan for us all, and he will make sure that the pieces of that plan fall in to place when they need to.

Music Video: Don't you worry child

Miracles

Like many people in their early 20's, I have spent a great deal of time in the last year worried about where I want my life to go and how to get there. As I graduated from college in December, I was absolutely certain about one thing: I did NOT want to move back to my hometown. I will spare you the details about why I didn't want to move back there, but just know that I have spent the last six years swearing on my life that I would never go back there.

I had to surrender my position, because I didn't have a job when I graduated and I didn't want to stay locked in an apartment contract that I could need to sell once I got a job elsewhere. So I sold my contract between semesters, and moved home where I would be free to relocate after finding a job. I focused my efforts on job hunting in Arizona. I felt good about going there and thought that was where I was supposed to be. But God had a different plan.

The second counselor in my new bishopric is the COO of the local hospital. Shortly after moving home, he called me to speak in sacrament meeting. During that phone call, he asked me what I had moved home for, and what I had graduated in. Once he heard that I had graduated in Business/HR, he got really excited and told me that their was an opening at the hospital for a Recruiter and Retention Specialist, and that I should send him my resume. I was aware of the position, and had no previous intention of applying, but I didn't know how to tell him no. So the next morning I sent him my resume. 

Long story short, 10 days and two interviews later, I got a job offer. The position was a few years of experience ahead of what I expected to get right out of college. The salary was $10,000 more than what I had estimated to be my best-case scenario. Besides all of that, I had a distinct feeling that I was supposed to take the job and stay in my hometown.

So here I am, two weeks into my new job, and loving it. I found a girl who was looking for a roommate immediately, and was able to move in on short notice. Even though I thought I had to move far away in order to create a life for myself, I am doing my best to do that here.

 The miracle is the timing in which He made things happen. If the COO hadn't called me that night to speak in church, they would have filled the position and I would never have been a candidate. If things hadn't happened so fast, I might have chickened out and turned down the offer. If I had received the offer even two weeks later, I there would have been other factors that would have seriously tempted me to turn down the offer. God's timing is perfect.

I have a feeling that God had big reasons for leading me here. I have a hunch at what one/some of those reasons are. God knows me. God knows you. He knows what we need more than we know what we need. And He knows what He needs from us. God has a plan. He performs miracles every day to help his plan happen. We just need to trust in him and watch for those miracles.

Cast Your Burden on The Lord

I've been thinking a lot lately about the world and what a sad, dark place it is. Before I get to the uplifting stuff, I need to describe what has brought me to this realization. I recently purchased the book Humans of New York: Stories. As I've been reading it, I can't help but notice how many people seem to be wandering aimlessly, barely trying to get by, trying to find themselves, or struggling not to give up on life. It is heartbreaking. What is even more heartbreaking however is when I see my own friends experiencing those same struggles. One of my dearest friends has been struggling now with major depression (although she refuses to acknowledge it). She is to the point where she legitimately cannot see anything worthwhile about herself, she is incapable of feeling loved, and she is miserable all of the time. I don't even know how many times she has messaged me on Facebook only saying, "I'm so miserable. I hate my life." The other day we had the following conversation.

"I'm kind of seeing someone. It's a disaster. It's one of those that you know is a bad decision, but you do it anyways."
"If you know it's a bad decision then why are you doing it?"
"Because it beats the alternative."

It kills me to know that someone could honestly feel that way. They would rather be in a bad situation, than feel the tiniest bit alone. Another friend of mine shed some light on this in a blog post that he recently wrote: The Curse. At the end of the post, he talks about how loneliness is one of Satan's greatest tools. I can clearly see how that is true. My friend feels an inability to connect with people in a meaningful way. Many of the people in my book are on their own, or feel so because of various circumstances. When someone feels alone, every trial seems one hundred times heavier because they feel like they are carrying the load on their own.

The thing that makes all of this so heartbreaking is that so many of these people don't know how to cast their burden on the Lord, or worse, don't even know that they cast their burden on Him. Jesus calls to all of us "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heaven laden, and I will give you rest (Matt. 11:28). If we turn towards Christ in our trials, we have no need to feel alone. He has experienced every single thought and emotion that you have. He knows how you feel, and He wants to be there for you when you feel like you have no one else. This may mean actually changing behaviors to be more like Him in an attempt to "come unto Him". It may mean sitting in your car at 2:30 am crying and telling him the thoughts that weigh you down. Or it may mean completely repenting and forsaking certain sins. What ever it is that you need to do in order to come to Christ so that you can cast your burden on Him, I hope that you will have the courage and strength to do so.